the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
