I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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