I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
