you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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