What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize