I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
they're like a gay fantastic four
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
