when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
