I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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