Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
