The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
