I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
