we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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