i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Your dad touched me again.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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