I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
