THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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