I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
