So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
