I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
