So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
