I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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