I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize