I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
