my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Vodka?
Forever.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
