i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
