Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
my poor anus
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
