umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
