What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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