She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
