Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
