haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
