I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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