It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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