i wish peter jackson would direct porn
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
