Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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