my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
