maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
