I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
