it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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