Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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