I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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