I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
