a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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