it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
