I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
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I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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