Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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