Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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