Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
