I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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