Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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