Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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