i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
