He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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