Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
