Im at strip club and am horny
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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