I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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