you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
