is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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