a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
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hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
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Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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