I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
