im six kinds of drunk right now
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
