his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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