I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
