remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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