and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
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He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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