Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
