He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
