It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
