Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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