Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
