Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
