we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
