Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
