I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
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He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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