Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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