someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
