K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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