He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
