Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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